take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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