Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
