I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
