Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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