she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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