well you can't waste a boner
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize