Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
