please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
