Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
