so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
