Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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