just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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