the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
