he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
