no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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