Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
