i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
