Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
