Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
