i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
