Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize