none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
