Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
