So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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