New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
