Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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