Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
40s are totally the cure
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
