On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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