I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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