I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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