Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
