I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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