I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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