you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
