My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
