That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
