Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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