i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Come see our sink grown plant.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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