he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
