apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You left your phone here
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