just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
