I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
