Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I pour the whiskey from now on
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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