Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
