I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
