do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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