found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
