I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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