Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
