Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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