We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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