1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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