Where is the hickey?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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