we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
