Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
