So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
