Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
