why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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