Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
