Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
