i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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