A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
