Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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