I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
