Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
