I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
