found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
