just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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