There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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