I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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