He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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