woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
