I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
