Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
