awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
