I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
